Player V. Friend

I have a problem player on my SIM, someone I have RP'd with for years and always enjoyed knowing. This player is facing a separation maritally from another player on the ship and has increasingly become combative and difficult. They may be discouraging others from writing freely and have often taken any undesired potential interaction as a threat to status or rank and I find myself increasingly torn between the need to remove a cancer and fear of being hated and judged by a friend. If this were any other player the behavior would have been handled swiftly, I always try to give benefit of the doubt at the same time and feel bad for the player's RL circumstances but I am told this also spreads the message that I play favorites. I know what I have to do but at the same time I am highly hesitant to act and be crucified for what I feel is a series of poor decisions by someone else. I would appreciate any thoughts or comments

 

Have you tried talking one-on-one with them? Sometimes people are not even aware of the damage they're doing - especially if the real life problems carry a heavier weight.

My husband and I, back when we were dating, had a gross fallout while we both RP'ed on the same site. I was the one who took a hiatus and came back years later when I was ready. Neither of us, as far as I know, had the time to spread our drama anywhere else because I quickly removed myself. Unfortunately, since I wasn't there for the time that it matters in relevance, I don't know how the community was affected, if at all, by his sour/salty behavior(at the time, lol).

Hopefully, in your situation, you can reach out to the party in question (or both) and curve the negative feedback. If not, I would suggest playing it calm, cool, professional, (compassionate maybe?) to dismiss your friend so that if/when they do come back, level-headed, there are no hard feelings.

I hope that makes sense? Or provide some insight or encouragement.

 

It may send the wrong message but I've turned to the cold shoulder method for the last couple days. It really hurts that someone I've known for years and have had great fun with just can't get along with another friend. It's also very irritating in that my own personal goal for doing all the reports and writing my butt off is to have an epic ship and adventures, a good CO would act instantly in the best interest of the crew. Drives me up the wall, I can see the logical conclusion yet have such hesitance to pursue it in the hopes that the other person just gets the hint.

 

Well, I am freaking chill about shit like that. (Yeah yeah I know I swore) but with that said just tell everyone to take a chill pill and your a treky. Do what Spok would do to a bad influence. Send them to an Ice planet to find himself in the future coincidentally XD

 

Ugh that sucks :c Cold shoulder sounds like an... OK tactic, I guess. I mean, it seems like the least damaging, right? I hope you're right and they can take the hint. Otherwise it could turn into a band-aid scenario and the best thing to do is to get it over and done with so you can start healing.

I'm making guesses and blowing air, I think.

 

Aren't we all? I appreciate the different perspective very much, thanks

 

Honestly, you need to separate site from RL. Anything concerning the site, you need to be the admin, be professional and consistent. Treat them the same as you would any member. Outside of the site, yes, show your support and your sympathies and talk it through, but you can't show any sort of favoritism or it will reflect badly on you.

 

All true and to be honest I am using 'regulation' as a scapegoat. Said player has exhausted the last of my patience but as I've said I do not like certain confrontations. While I don't wish to point out what should be obvious to another I do have the escape of rules that allow removal and will use those. I suppose I am guilty of tying too hard to not be the bad guy

 

We all do that, honestly. I've had problems on my site where I've had to mediate and, honestly, there is NEVER a way to please everyone. I learned that one the hard way. No matter what you decide, someone won't like it. You just have to do what is right and what is fair.

 

With a bit of motivation, thank you Redd's Apple, I finally decided to just fall on my sword. Surprisingly the reaction was more tepid than I had anticipated and may just get worked out to benefit of the SIM. I appreciate the assitance and points of view

 

While the right answer is to talk to them in private, they may also take it very poorly and blow up on you. When I've had these situations, I try to write a short but detailed email reaching out to them asking if they want to talk about their RL situation and leave it as simple as that. If THEY bring it up that it's affecting their writing, then talk on the subject. When someone is in a dark place like that, they often feel like they're being ganged-up on if you come to them 'throwing accusations' (this has what has been said to me in my personal experiences, not what you're doing...they just see it that way.)

If you feel as though you have to take bold steps for the sake of your group, you can suggest that they take a small vacation from writing. Or maybe offer to write with them privately so they don't feel totally taken away from the group. For many, writing is therapy, and they don't always see when their RL problems are pouring into their gameplay.