The Perfect Drug

Original

Everyone warned you. No, really! There were signs everywhere. Everywhere. In plain sight! We tried! We really did. There were seminars and even door-to-door solicitors who were begging you, pleading you, even attempting to trick you into seeing the light. But you didn't, did you? You just kept right on going. You said, 'To Hell with all of that shit!'

And then you died.

And the Universe said, 'To Hell with this soul, this terrible, corrupt, evil soul!'

So here you are, in Hell. Everyone warned you. But it's really not so bad. Sure, there are imps that can crawl into your dreams, nixies who can tug your heart around on a leash, spectres to haunt your waking hours, and I'm pretty sure the man in the suit with the glasses serving you your immigration papers is some sort of vampire. We know what you're thinking, that you don't deserve this- and maybe you really don't. But at least there's an open bar, 24/7, and Satan seems like a pretty nice guy!

Then again, maybe you were unlucky enough to have been born here; maybe you're of that coveted royal blood and get to laze around at His Darkness's castle. Or perhaps you were so terrible, you've found yourself cast out of Heaven to rot forever in the pits of Hell - which looks surprisingly like New York, some might say. Fiends, banshees, and condemned souls, oh my!

Sit back, relax, and lose you and your demon self in strip clubs, back alleys, palaces, and hypodermic needles, because Hell is the one place you're really going to need to find The Perfect Drug.

Everyone warned you, now,

Go to Hell.